A Ghost of a Past’s Choice

Someone once asked me, “Why did you take up nursing?” Well, I don’t want to make up reasons which will certainly become a lie. Actually, my parents wanted me to. But if I’d truly be asked, what I wanted for myself…answer is, I don’t know. That’s why I went with what my parents told me. Besides, parents know best right? The question is, if I will survive this.

Someone asked me again, “If that’s not what you wanted, why didn’t you quit?  Well, truth is, I still don’t know. I just told myself that, if this is what God wanted for me, then let it be. Now the question is, is this really what God wanted for me or I just assumed it was?

The problem with me is that I don’t know what I want for myself. I’m a coward for what it’s worth. Not brave enough to try something out of the ordinary…too scared of taking risks and failing afterward…too afraid of finding out if it’s all worth it, or just another blow in the air. I always feel like, “I can’t” even without trying. Maybe because I’m that type of person who constantly seeks for everyone’s approval: too concerned of what others may think, and cannot handle too much criticism. I am that someone who hasn’t experienced defeat, because I am a mediocre…not going far enough to move forward and walk some rocks.

But if there is anything worthwhile in all this, it’s the experience I had while in college. Behind all the drama in all those four years, lies a life’s worth of learning of which I would not dare trade with anything.

Not everyone could go beyond the white walls of the hospital and see some real action and quality drama. E.R is my favorite hangout—simply because it keeps me active and moving while on duty. It’s not okay to see bloody people around, or to receive a patient who just had a Cardiac Arrest. Sometimes, it can be downright scary, and there were times when I just froze in one corner or even close my eyes because it was simply too much for me to handle. O.R is also a favorite—I love the fact that I could see live pictures of body parts on which for most people, they only see on pictures/books or TV. I am able to take a very close look on God’s intricate and most impressive creation: the Human Body. If special areas activate me, Wards drown me to boredom with its routinely work…but in these places, you meet real people—really sick people whom you could talk to, and if you’re lucky, even inspire you. In Wards, you take care of them—strangers—patients—clients—and some could become your friend.

This has been my life as a nursing student. And if you’d ask me again, “Why I didn’t leave?”—maybe, just maybe—I love what I do…or should I say what it did to me.

Photo credit: scrubsmag.com

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