Being a Nurse was really out of my league. When I graduated from High School, my top 3 courses for college are Chemical Engineering, Education and Mass Communication. See?! Nursing was not on my list but because of the”great demand” for nurses during those times, I was convinced by my parents as well as my friends to take this course.
I had spent 4 years of listening to long classroom discussions, waking up early in the morning to study for endless quizzes, dealing with some CI’s na hindi ko alam kung ano ang gusto, at case presentations na pinagpupuyatan para lang matapos. In other words, I survived 4 excruciating years just to finish BSN. I CAN NOT FAIL, I always repeat this words every time I felt like giving up and the fact that BSN is an expensive course, iniisip ko na lang na my parents work hard for my education so whatever hardships I experience, I MUST NOT FLUNK. On the contrary, I have learned to love nursing not because of the NCP’s and Drug Studies but because of the friends and people I had met throughout my BSN journey.The friends that I could tell my green jokes with (I must say Nurses are good in Green Jokes at TAKE NOTE hindi nilalagyan ng malisya), the patients that I took care of and their folks who were appreciative of my work and the mentors who imparted their knowledge to me.
When I graduated, I thought my burden was lessened but I was wrong. Filing for the board exams was chaotic; the long lines, the long wait, the moody PRC checker, I was really annoyed I even thought of not taking the NLE because of this. During the review days, I was a bit apprehended because I realized that what I had learned from college was not enough. I downloaded past NLE questions from the internet, learned some strategies in answering the exams, took down everything that my reviewers said, I crammed. Sometimes while I was reviewing, I couldn’t help but to be teary-eyed kasi natatakot ako that inadequte pa ang nalalaman ko at baka mag-fail ako sa NLE. Although I had 50% discount in our review, it was still expensive and I can’t afford to fail and to take another board exam. In fairness, I became religious during these times, after our review I used to visit the church and even attend mass, which is not so me because I am not a church-goer. Then the NLE came, I took my board exams in Jaro National High School in Iloilo City. I used to sing “WHO AM I” by Casting Crowns whenever I don’t know the answer. Ang katabi ko noon sa NLE inagawan ko pa ng upuan siguro dala na ng nerbyos at sa kachakahan ba naman ng buhay, ang answer sheet di ba sa likod yung unang sinasagutan? eh sa kanya yung sa harapan pa yung sinagutan nya. THAT CHAKA moment talaga increased the anxiety inside the testing room and I could see that all the blood on my seatmate’s body evaporated because of that stupid mistake. November 29-30, 2009 will remain unforgettable.
January 29, at roughly 10 pm in the evening, NLE results was released. My friend texted my brother that I passed the NLE. I was asleep that time and they didn’t wake me up because they wanted to check if the message was true. VOILA! I DID PASS. I couldn’t believe that I am an RN. I was in the brink of crying na talaga. Sa sobrang happy ni tatay ay nagpakape sila at bumili ng pandesal. My heart broke because my best friend didn’t make it at doon na talaga ako umiyak. I wasn’t completely happy dahil hindi sya nakapasa. The moment I got my license, I was genuinely happy that I smiled to every person I happened to pass by. EUPHORIC talaga ako noon.
It’s every RNs goal to work in a hospital setting. Kahit walang sweldo, ok lang sa akin talaga, walang halong kaplastikan. But all my good intentions sank when I was hired as a nurse trainee in the regional hospital. I mean it’s ok to have plenty of patients but sana naman they give us first the mentoring system kahit 2 weeks lang hindi yung nag-iisa lang kami sa ward with 7-16 patients. Hospital duty was not new to me but we had CI’s during those days. Biglain ka ba namang bigyan ng ganun karaming pasyente at bago ka pa lang, naku! sinasabi ko hindi maganda talaga. Doctors are either nice or monster. Ang mga regular staff naman alam na nila na bago ka lang ini-intimidate ka pa which is really wrong. It is my philosophy that whenever I’m in doubt, I should be asking questions and because I was a newbie, I was not familiar with the ward protocols etc. Kapag nagtatanong ako, ang sinasagot naman ng staff at ng ibang volunteer “BAKIT HINDI KA BA MARUNONG?”. To cut the long story short I resigned after 3 weeks.
Honestly there’s a part of me that regrets; I have many ‘what ifs’. I feel like I’m a failure because I can not be an effective nurse and my license is for wallet display only. It’s really hard especially today that it’s hard to look for a job related to Nursing. Thinking about these things, minsan napapaiyak ako, bakit pa kasi nag-Nursing ako eh… pero inisip ko na lang what I have experienced during my nursing career was worth the pain and suffering. MAHAL KO NAMAN ANG PAGIGING NURSE eh.
I am still hoping for the best to come.
© 2011, Filipino Nurses. All rights reserved. DISCLAIMER: The accuracy of all articles contained in this website are the responsibility of their respective authors. All articles are for informational purposes only and are NOT intended to replace the advice of a doctor. The owner of this site disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on these information. If you have any health-related questions, please consult your physician. If you feel ill, please seek medical attention immediately.