I wrote this a few years ago… just want to share .
“May Lidocaine ang puso ko…”, a phrase I frequently use when I’m in a relationship or falling into one, even if it’s just a fling or something to be serious with.
Well, what is a Lidocaine ba? Lidocaine in common tongue is a pampamanhid. Ever been cut or bruised so deep that you needed to be brought to the hospital? Well, that’s when the nurse or the doctor injects or sprays something on your wound to relieve or lessen the pain while they’re closing it. Or kung wala kayong makita na Lidocaine, may Xylocaine, Novocaine naman at kung anu-ano pa. But not cocaine ha… much more potent ‘yon.
Ang use ng Lidocaine sa heart when injected IV is an anti-dysrhythmics. It means kung irregular or atypical ang heartbeat mo, this drug will help to prevent complication or even return your heart to its normal state.
For me, ‘di ko talaga ginagamit iyong Lidocaine sa heart ko… it’s just a phrase that I injected in my mind every time that I’m in a relationship. I use Lidocaine as prophylaxis, maintenance, treatment and rehabilitation.
Why? Well as I said, ‘di ba pampamanhid siya. So by saying the phrase “my Lidocaine ang puso ko…”, before you fall, you prevent your self from be hurt. Though bruised and wounded, it will lessen the pain. It’s good for those na “na-basted” and whose relationship was a failure right from the start. In short, para ‘di ka na umasa. You avoid getting hurt. Ha-ha-ha!
”Di masakit… may Lidocaine ang puso ko.”
Why? So you’re in a relationship na. Often times, the both of you can’t avoid hurting each other. You’re two different people. Iyong magkakapatid nga, nakakasakitan at nag-aaway eh, kayo pa. Pero kung ang bf/gf mo ay isang achipatuchi, flirt or just simply, let’s say “malandi”, syota ng bayan, you frequently see her/him with other guys/gals flirting. Kung hindi naman pero frequently may naririnig ka na mga kuwentong ‘di maganda tungklol sa bf or gf mo o ‘di ka talaga niya mahal and pinagsisiksikan mo lang ang sarili mo, use cardiac Lidoaine and say, “hindi masakit.. may Lidocaine ang puso ko”. That way again, you avoid being hurt. Para ma-enhace yung effect, maglagay ka ng eyepatch at earplug. He-he-he. Hear no evil, see no evil.
So this person left you na for someone na mas maganda, sexy, pogi o macho. O kaya one day he/she walks in front of your door and says, “sorry. ‘Di talaga kita mahal eh”. How absurd. Shit payag ka ba ‘non? Of course, not. You’ll be devastated! Baka magkaroon ka pa ng suicidal ideation or maging neurotic ka na sa sobrang sakit ‘non. Don’t worry, andyan si Lidocaine double dose mo just to lessen the pain. Kung kulang pa, dagdag lang. After all, it’s just a phrase. After no’n, hanap ka ng kaibigan mo; bili kayo ng redhorse sa kanto. Mag-ventilate ka ng feelings mo. For days magkulong ka kung gusto mo. Suot ka eyepatch, earplugs and isolate mo sarili mo if you like. Magwala ka. He-he-he. Inject mo lang ulit sa mind mo:
“Hindi masakit… may Lidocaine ang puso ko”.
Pero s’yempre all drugs has its side effect, adverse side effect and toxicity. This one has an emotional side effect.
Imagine this, you can’t give all your effort and love to that person dahil you prevented your self from getting hurt. Because of that, you also prevented yourself from loving and feeling the love that you need – naging selfish ka. Yung dapat na iparamdam mo and maramdaman mo, wala aasi manhid ka.
So manhid ka na nga. What if ‘yong love na mayroon ka ay yung love pala na pwedeng magpabago sa partner mo or yung love na hinahanap-hanap mo. How will you share that love kung ikaw sa sarili mo, wala ka nang nararamdaman? Manhid ‘di ba? You have prevented yourself to be hurt; You also prevented yourself from loving and being loved.
It didn’t hurt so much or yet, it didn’t even hurt at all. Effective? He-he-he. Sabi ko sa ‘yo eh. Eto ngayon, would you ever fall in love again? Oo, pwede. Pero truthfully, I guess not. Manhid ka na eh. Nasa bloodstream mo na ‘yang lintik na Lidocaine na ‘yan. Hirap i-wash out n’yan. Your subsequent relationships won’t last. There’s always something holding you back; You’re afraid to get hurt. So again, you’ll inject yourself a dose of Lidocaine just to avoid the consequence of getting hurt. And again, anesthetized na ulit ang heart mo. Manhid na siya ulit. Your ralationship won’t last kasi unfair ka na. You can’t give the whole of you kasi naka-Lidocaine ka. You’ll skip from one relationship to another proper closure. You won’t be contented with what you have.
You have prevented yourself from being hurt, and you also prevented yourself from loving and being loved.
That’s it. Would you be using this Lidocaine of mine? Hindi ka na masasaktan. Tested and guaranteed ‘yan!
author: Indiana Jones
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