Grief appears after the loss of a loved one. It is often describe with the five stages of the Kubler-Ross model. Usually, words describing the feeling of bereavement are not enough to fully express what one experiences.
The first time I had to face the loss of someone was when my mother had left home to be treated at the hospital. She had been very sick ever since I was born. It was one of those diseases that appeared at a birth of a child because of a hormonal disorder.
I was about 11 years old when she started showing signs of incapacity. Stays at the hospital were getting longer every time she had to go. All of this should have prepared me for the day of her death but there is nothing that was close to what I have been feeling ever since. I remember the day it happened and that day will stay with me for the rest of my life no doubt.
It started with the denial. It was not about the fact that I did not want to accept it but more about the habit of having her around in the house. At every sound in the kitchen, I felt like she was there. But she was not. The smell of her perfume always made me think for a split second that she was there. Even the smell of foods and particular drinks would remind me of my mother. Everything seemed designed to make me call for her.
There were weeks where my mind played that game with me. Making me think she was still around me only to realize that she was gone. The depressed state I was in kept feeling like a roller coaster: thinking she was in the other room from where I was, thinking she would be in the kitchen when I returned home like she always was, remembering that it was not possible and then going back to that extreme immense sadness.
Only time helped me with my grief. I accepted the loss of my mother while reassuring myself that at least she was not suffering anymore from her sickness and although when it first happened I felt I would never get over the pain I was feeling, as time went on I began to remember the happy times we had together and slowly but surely the pain began to ease.
For those not coping with the death of a loved one counselling is a good option and many funeral homes now offer one to one counselling to help people deal with the pain they are feeling. Being able to talk about the pain you are feeling can help you to understand that although you may have lost a loved one they will always be in your heart.
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