The Day I Met “TOL”

As I compress the chest of a 22 y.o. male who went into a flat line, his wife (yup, he already got a family) didn’t stop from calling him with their usual term of endearment…“TOL”..

“Tol, lumaban ka, kaya mo yan. Wag mo kaming iwan” she was whispering to his ear and holding his hand so tight I could see her veins bulge from her very young hand. I know, I’ve seen a lot of these before, as in a lot! I’ve already lost track of my own census and I believe I have come to a point that it seems like I have become “professionally numb” with these antics….and so my mind raced with all the possible differentials, I have to be logical, pushing and pulling all the humanely possible way to manage the case.

What else can I do to help?(plus! how else can I impart knowledge to the interns)..Ano pa bang pwede kong magawa? But then…I can’t help but think of their child, for crying out loud and the fact that this couple are so young.

The 7th epi and 3 defibs came by but he was pronounced dead as I wipe my sweat off my forehead from all that early morning triceps workout. All of a sudden, I realized that I am not as numb as I thought, not that I’m getting melodramatic with it but I’m so thankful for what I’ve seen. I’m still human pala, I still have heart. Kala ko, after a decade, bato na. Yun pala, I need a lot of it for this profession. I guess it’s the only thing nobody can learn in school, and after getting the license it’ll be the only thing that will push you despite of a slim paycheck.

I’m thankful I can still drive home after that duty and drive my son to school, see him make silly faces before he waves goodbye and get into his classroom. Thank you so much whoever or whatever you are! =) You have never stopped teaching me. – VAJ MSN RN

Photo credit: triangulations.wordpress.com

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  • maria

    wow namatayan ng asawa ung babae, may namatay kang pasyente at ang malaking ideya mo para sa artikulong ito e may pakiramdam ka pa pala? tssss….waste of time basahin!

    • Wilder

      She is thankful that after working all those years and seeing death and suffering for so many times, she is still affected and mahirap para sa kanya ang makitang me namamatay but as life goes on, she is still doing the job as she was trained. Mas mahirap kung wala nang nararamdaman, manhid na sa nakikita. Kaya sya masaya is because she is still human, with feelings for his fellow human being.

      • maria

        marami pa sanang mas malalim na pwedeng sabihin katulad ng kung papaano nya biglang naisip na may nararamdaman na pala sya. buhay at kamatayan ang hinaharap nya araw araw at sige, nakukuha ko kung nagkaroon sya ng pagkawalan ng pakiramdam pagkatapos ng maraming beses. ngunit eto ang pagkakataon nya upang ipaliwanag sa ating lahat kung sa anong punto biglang syang nagkaroon ulit ng pakiramdam. napaka casual kasi ng pagkakasulat na hindi ko na appreciate ung matinding sanang ipinarating nya.
        it’s potentially great material wasted.

        • peace kaayo dyan..huwag mag-away..shes just sharing her personal experience as a nurse.:)