PECULIAR HEARTBREAK

I thought heartbreaks were just for couples. Never did I anticipate that I would experience such pain in the work place. I never expected that I would someday wake up with the fact that I’d be asked to leave my comfort zone, with a reason that I would never, ever understand.

I must have kept this cliche in mind: EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED.

Two weeks from now, I have to say goodbye to the area where I have laid my dreams from the very start of my life as a registered nurse. If there is something I was really certain about the direction of my profession, it was being an Emergency Staff Nurse.

Life would test us; fate would twist us.

What can I do? How would I react to something I knew I can’t do anything about? How can I tell them that being an ER nurse is a dream come true for me? How can I make them change their minds?

I used to think that I must take this circumstance constructively. I must take their words positively. But how can I make them understand the fact that the reason why I was being asked to leave (so-called rotation) is the fact that I am the most junior staff, and that kills me. It kills me knowing that it was the single reason they gave me, and it makes me feel that I wasn’t efficient enough, that I am too raw to be called an ER nurse.

I’d be lying if I say I am okay now. I am still not convinced that I would be saying goodbye to my scrubsuits and rubber shoes just because I was the youngest in the area, because I am the junior, not because of my capabilities.

I am now filled with disappointments and frustrations. I knew I can’t live like this, I have to make myself believe that there is more to life. I wanna think that this might be a blessing in disguise for me. I have to learn that my chances to grow will be limited if I insisted to stay on my comfort zone. I have to keep my faith that I will stay stronger amidst this adversity, I have to see this as an opportunity. I have to accept the fact that there are some things in life that we cannot control and change, that sometimes it would all seem unfair, that we just have to deal with it with our minds wide opened.

I’ll be soon working from ER to the ward. From yellow scrub-suits to the traditional white pair, from rubber shoes to pure white shoes, from unstable patients to more stable patients. Lot of things will be different. As many would say, which I must try to keep on believing, truly, EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. I may not have find what reason that may be, in time, I knew that it’s a better picture that God has painted for me.

I may have my heart broken because of the anticipated separation anxiety I have to get through, still, all broken hearts heal in time. Someday what seems to be hard to understand now, will be all made clear to me that God just did it for a purpose.

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  • regie

    Let me tell you, same thing happened to me before in the hospital where I worked for. Not because I was a Junior staff, but for an entirely different reason. The powers that be preferred some nurses over others. Apparently, the staff that I was working with in the ER knew of my being sent back to the ward (I really did not want to)and I was the last person, the one mainly involved, to be privy of such important information.
    It turns out that though, that a couple of days prior to my “reassignment” to the ward, I found out that the Nurse Supervisor and Senior Nurse of the Hemodialysis Unit will be resigning, two weeks apart from each other. No other staff in the hospital wanted the opened post because of the perceived work ethics of those two mentioned above. In my mind though, I was deadset into being assigned there, because there’s no way I’m going back to the ward. The Asst Chief Nurse didn’t know that I already am aware of what is going on, and on my first day in the ward she happened to visit the floor and mentioned the problem of the vacated posts not being filled–(understand though, that this was 7 years ago when nursing jobs were still aplenty), I mentioned with feigned nonchalance that I’d be willing to be assigned there. And then I saw the relief in her eyes (and the quiet relief in my heart). Besides, it’ll only be two months before those feared staff nurses will leave the unit FOR GOOD. The thing is, those nurses are very professional and I enjoyed working with them quite a lot. Six months after, I became the Interim Supervisor, but I handled the post until I officially was appointed as one. I loved my stay there, and even now that I’m working here in abroad, I still miss my good times in that unit, my unit.
    I guess the lesson here is, in your case, there might just be another opportunity where you will be able to make your light shine. Keep pressing forward and never lose hope that things will be better!

  • gal

    it will be easier for you if you don’t take things personally,all things change and we have to be ready all the time, nothing is permanent in this world. Cheer up!! There’s plenty of time for everything.

  • Ezae Lee

    Hi…i think i need some comments too. I feel the same way but different circumstance ..Anyway, i’m working in OR but i’m confused anymore and it just affected my work. As possible i want that so called “rotation” for i’ve never been exposed to other areas, i can say that OR is my comfort zone already coz in that area i feel my worth but being there would really affect my knowledge for i alm0st forgotting everythng already..i’m into separation anxiety i want the chiefnurse to know my concern but i’m afraid if ever there’s something and refuse me in ward i d0n’t have place to go back on coz for sure there would be changes to those people whom i considered to be my family…