I thought heartbreaks were just for couples. Never did I anticipate that I would experience such pain in the work place. I never expected that I would someday wake up with the fact that I’d be asked to leave my comfort zone, with a reason that I would never, ever understand.
I must have kept this cliche in mind: EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED.
Two weeks from now, I have to say goodbye to the area where I have laid my dreams from the very start of my life as a registered nurse. If there is something I was really certain about the direction of my profession, it was being an Emergency Staff Nurse.
Life would test us; fate would twist us.
What can I do? How would I react to something I knew I can’t do anything about? How can I tell them that being an ER nurse is a dream come true for me? How can I make them change their minds?
I used to think that I must take this circumstance constructively. I must take their words positively. But how can I make them understand the fact that the reason why I was being asked to leave (so-called rotation) is the fact that I am the most junior staff, and that kills me. It kills me knowing that it was the single reason they gave me, and it makes me feel that I wasn’t efficient enough, that I am too raw to be called an ER nurse.
I’d be lying if I say I am okay now. I am still not convinced that I would be saying goodbye to my scrubsuits and rubber shoes just because I was the youngest in the area, because I am the junior, not because of my capabilities.
I am now filled with disappointments and frustrations. I knew I can’t live like this, I have to make myself believe that there is more to life. I wanna think that this might be a blessing in disguise for me. I have to learn that my chances to grow will be limited if I insisted to stay on my comfort zone. I have to keep my faith that I will stay stronger amidst this adversity, I have to see this as an opportunity. I have to accept the fact that there are some things in life that we cannot control and change, that sometimes it would all seem unfair, that we just have to deal with it with our minds wide opened.
I’ll be soon working from ER to the ward. From yellow scrub-suits to the traditional white pair, from rubber shoes to pure white shoes, from unstable patients to more stable patients. Lot of things will be different. As many would say, which I must try to keep on believing, truly, EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. I may not have find what reason that may be, in time, I knew that it’s a better picture that God has painted for me.
I may have my heart broken because of the anticipated separation anxiety I have to get through, still, all broken hearts heal in time. Someday what seems to be hard to understand now, will be all made clear to me that God just did it for a purpose.
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