Post Mortem Delusions outside the Testing Area

It’s been quite a while since my battle with the Scantron paper and the psychiatric catastrophe brought on by the NLE board examinations last July 2 and 3, 2011. Seriously, the Ms. I-Am-a-Filipino-Nurse 2011 question and many more ridiculous questions, they were the talk, I mean to be more precise, the bluster of the town considering the fact that first and foremost, every student stood up to their former lazy habits just to memorize the previous board exam questions, read all nursing books available, answer all exam questions their review centers provide them, succumb to caffeine addiction in the process, and what do they get? 20% knowledge-based questions, 70% tough luck questions and 10% questions nobody has ever heard about.

I remember going out of the testing room not knowing what to think, feel or say to my friend who seemed demoralized by the impossible examination. It was simply overwhelming. First question of the first exam, I almost felt the thunder and the roaring gustiness of an imaginary typhoon. I remember all our lecturers saying that the first exam, Fundamentals of Nursing, is the easiest. It’s all about the basics. Nobody warned us about the essay questions morphed into multiple choice questions, and you definitely have no idea what they say the “best” answer is. You could almost cry happy tears each time you encounter a question that you actually know, like the bonus ABG analysis and drug dosage calculations. Unfortunately, the board examination is not all that. It’s a crap lot more.

The post board exam trauma leads every student to that one question as we all await the results that would forever change the course of our lives, like the delusions of a person’s soul after its post mortem: What now?

After all the caffeinated nights and panic reading moments, the St. Jude and every other novenas we all desperately relied on, the countless split seconds we continuously motivate ourselves to study (your eyes are starting to drop while reading about community health nursing, then suddenly you wake yourself up to thinking somebody else could’ve memorized verbatim from cover to cover including the bibliography and indices of the whole boring book of Maglaya), and making it a point to be nice all the time and live a new life worthy of a license, well only a few of us know what to do after. Some already went back to their provinces. Some went to Manila to find work and some are just stuck at home trying to make up for all the stresses. The two month waiting time serves as our opportunity to rehabilitate ourselves back to our pre-crisis state. Some are making the most of it and some are more or less wasting it partying, drinking and whining over their miserable life.

To help you get a life, here are some suggestions of things you can do while waiting for that damn license:

WORKOUT. I am very much aware that eating is a stress reliever and since the board exams require the most stressful preparation, I have this funny feeling that if some of you turn out to get anorexic because you believed the time for eating could be used up for studying, most of you ate a lot while studying and we all know where those carbs get deposited. Gaining three to five times or more than your average pre-review weight could be such a bummer and this is the time for you to get back in shape. Remember, you have to fit in your gala for the oath taking. If you don’t fit, you have nothing to wear to the oath taking and if you have nothing to wear to the oath taking you’d be spending money again for a new gala you will be using only once in forever.

JOB HUNTING. We all know your talents are not limited to the scope of nursing, hell who knows if you pass or not. You could search for jobs online or ask friends and relatives for some work suggestions. Keep busy. Time is precious and if you start earning now, think of what more you’ll be earning the moment you grab that license. Don’t waste your time being a couch potato or a party freak or an alcoholic sob. Do something. Be productive. Get a life. Don’t piss your mother off lazing around. Remember after all these years they have sacrificed for you, its payback time and when is the perfect time to look for a job but now.

ENGAGE IN PHILANTROPHY. One of lecturers told us that to be able to move on from the jaw wrenching, back breaking, inhumane and violent board examination, we have to collect all our review materials, create a bonfire, burn them and cry over the victory feel of getting over the things that remind you of that five parts of a disaster. It’s so cool to contribute to global warming through burning a lot of paper and worsening everybody else’s chances of survival. If I were asked I’d rather create scratch papers or notebooks out of those pieces of crap and donate them to kids who could barely afford even a single piece of bond paper. Contributing to children’s welfare is better than contributing to doomsday.

BURN OUT THERAPIES. Stress has done us a lot of damage and there are a lot of therapies which can help us feel relaxed and detoxified back to our normal worry-free selves. Visit your nearest spa for some rejuvenating massage. You could always go to Yoga or Taichi classes if you want to experience inner peace gained through breathing in and out exercises. If you like peace and quiet, you could go to a nearby hill, sit on a picnic blanket and while listening to your favorite tunes, feel the breeze gently sweeping all your worries away. Dating could also be a burn out therapy. Spend some time with your girlfriend or boyfriend and make it a point to not create a single argument the entire time unlike the rest of your bonding days. Spend some time with your family. Go out on a camping trip or a vacation out of town, or simple cooking and cleaning the house together could be in the very sense of it, therapeutic.

WRITE and SUBMIT an ARTICLE. This is what I just did. It’s non profit but it helps me rant about the NLE board examination 2011 in a more productive way rather than getting depressed and planning suicide.

Happy two months before September. Grab your license! 🙂

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  • any pointers on how to pass every nursing test? thanks!!