I was always a happy-go-lucky person, not minding the problems around me. There was no pressure when i was deciding which course to take, then out of nowhere i said “Yeah, i’ll take up nursing like everybody else.”
The lectures, rle,different shifts on hospital duties, these are all fun for me. I enjoyed every bit of my stay during my college years. I passed every subject and had a straight path on that graduation day. What lies ahead? The Board exam? It was all a blur on my mind, they say it’s really difficult and that it’s really stressful. My mom always reminded me “Dear whatever happens,pass or fail, i will always love you.” I constantly reminded myself this phrase from her,so what if I just take and then i don’t care what happens anymore. But then as the review for this NLE came near to it’s end i felt something swirling in my head.
What if I fail? Wouldn’t it be a shame to my family? or.. what if among our class I’m the only one who didn’t make it? Do I need to hide? Change my number? delete all my social network accounts? Not attend any gatherings or reunions? Disappear into thin air? What would they say?
I never thought that I’d feel this way, it’s making me nuts. It’s like nobody’s pressuring me but i feel every piece of me scared to fail this nursing licensure examination. And every passing day I lose focus, cutting off my review classes and not passing my post exams.
And suddenly the morning that I woke up it was July 2 and will be followed by July 3…so this is the big day. My day of judgment, where all my anxiety may end or worsen. So with my pencil number 2 and eraser i faced the 500 item examination. But i was wrong, it didn’t end after the exam because i realized that waiting for the result was the most crucial part. I was more restless, my senses are all awake waiting for the date of the release of the JULY 2&3, 2011 result.
Finally the day of the result came. I received an sms that the list of passers where already out,since the pdf file doesn’t load on my laptop I asked my boyfriend to check it for me. And he said i wasn’t on the list, tears started to form in my eyes and I asked him to check it twice,thrice and four times and it wasn’t there. I asked him to send me the site he was checking it and boy it was a different date. So when we waited for the PRC’s site to load and searched for my name which was on the bottom part of the list because it’s letter “T”, the feeling was priceless… To find my name on that list was something that cannot be explained through words. I called my mom and i was crying and tears were running down. It was a joy that felt like flying, it was the first time I have experienced crying out of too much happiness.. and so it’s true that tears of joy does happen. And it’s the most wonderful feeling i have ever felt.
Success really doesn’t matter, it’s more of making every sacrifice that you and the people around you gave to achieve it be worth it.
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