Note: What you are about to read are pure imagination and opinion of the author and never really happened. Promise.
1. Sir/Ma’am, I’m here at your service, you can call me anytime. Okay, not anytime, I didn’t mean that. Please don’t use it against me.
2. I know that I gave you a bell to call me if you need my service. But scratching your back isn’t one of them.
3. I know you can hear an alarm sir. But, it’s not yours.
4. No, sir. As much as I want to entertain you, I can’t tell you the medical condition of the patients around you.
5. Sir, rest assured that the other patients are not contagious. They are not on isolation. You are!
6. When the clock strikes 12. It means visiting time is over. And no, just because you didn’t come early, means we can stretch the visiting time for you.
7. First bell, means visiting time is over, and you have to leave. Second bell, means I can still see you. Third bell means, I know your hiding behind the curtain. Fourth bell means, I’m calling the cops.
8. Yes, it’s true. I am paying more attention to my other patient. It’s a good sign for you, sir. The other, patient? Not so lucky.
9. Yes, ma’am. Your relatives condition is about the same, since you called 5 minutes ago. And 5 minutes before that, and 5 more minutes prior to that.
10. Sir, as much as you think, we’re keeping you captive in the hospital. We beg to differ. We don’t keep patient in ICU for fun. We just don’t know how to tell you the truth, without you suffering another heart attack.
11. After pulling your IV catheter 5 times, and your other contraptions, now you’re wondering why you’re not feeling well? Are you kidding me?
12. Yes, we are going to insert foley catheter and ngt and IV site in you again. And we are going to do it over and over, until you learn to keep them inside your body, and not as an ornament on your side rails.
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